Leadership Wednesday 07 - The Youth Pastor Uniform: Cargo Shorts, Bad Facial Hair and Prideful Posturing

The National Youth Workers Convention took place this past weekend in Los Angeles and I wasn’t able to attend. We had planned on taking some of our volunteers to the convention but, with the economy the way it is, we thought we’d sit out this year since we had been three years in a row. Following people on Twitter who were at the convention, however, made me wish we had gone and taken our staff. Or, at least, I wish I would have gone down to the convention center and snuck in to hear some speakers and hang out with the Hume Lake crew. I really like the National Youth Workers Convention; it’s a great opportunity to get away and recharge with other people who understand why we do student ministry. A few things can always be counted on at the convention:

Cargo shorts.

Bad facial hair.

The question, “How big is your group?”

That question inevitably pops up. It is a valid question because it helps people understand the issues and struggles that we’re facing. I have worked with a group of 12 and a group of 300, each offers its own pros and cons, neither is better than the other. Even though it’s a valid question, so much of the focus when youth pastors gather is on the numbers; there is always an underlying defensiveness that rears its head through prideful posturing.

I have been part of this problem. I have sat in the networking meetings and proudly touted working with a group of 150. I have also sat in those same meetings and talked about working with a group of 50, silently hoping that another group would be smaller. I don’t know where this prideful posturing comes from but, in a room of youth pastors, it is tangible; it hangs like a thick fog that nobody wants to acknowledge. That posturing keeps us from really communicating and sharing insight because we’re so concerned with the size of our groups or the length of our tenure or the scope of our positions.

We’re so busy maintaining a prideful posture that we can’t let down our guard enough to really learn from another youth pastor.

We’re so busy maintaining a prideful posture that we can’t really connect and share the burdens of joys of this thing we all do.

We’re so busy maintaining a prideful posture that we can’t see beyond our own ministries and the greater work of the kingdom in which we all participate.

Again, I’m not pointing fingers because I have participated in and perpetuated all of these things. Maybe your experience has been different, but there always seems to be these underlying issues whenever youth pastors get together. Really, I’m writing about them because I don’t know what to do and I thought that someone may have some suggestions. Perhaps others have found something that breaks the prideful posturing and opens people to truly connect with others involved in ministry.

I don’t have the answers but one thing that has seemed to work for me is simply sharing a meal. It is amazing how the walls come down when we break bread together or, in this case, fish tacos. I have had lunch with another local youth pastor a few times and I can start to feel a relationship growing out of those lunches. It helps that we know about each other’s ministries; we’re pretty much beyond the “How big is your group?” question. But instead of a forced environment like a youth pastors’ network or a dinner with other youth pastors at summer camp, just sharing a meal one-on-one feels more organic. Every youth pastor is connected because of their ministry. If we truly want to be a support for each other, we need to develop relationships that aren’t founded on ministry but on time spent together.

That is only one possible solution; I’m still in the process of seeing how it plays out. I don’t like the awkward feeling I have around other youth pastors, like we’re silently competing against each other. We all know that we’re competing against each other but we can’t necessarily identify the game or why we’re playing. Yet, in spite of that lack of clarity, we all still want to win. I hope that I can stop playing the game but my ability to get out probably has a lot to do with examining my own prideful posture. I need to work on quieting the voice that hopes someone at the table has a smaller group than I do. Because if I can’t change myself, why should I expect anybody else to change?

What have you found that works to break down the walls among people from different ministries?

Topical Tuesday 07 - We Want Prenup! We Want Prenup!

Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom got married this past weekend. It was quite the stunning turn for the reality television star and the professional basketball player. They had only been dating for a month before they decided to get married. There was some speculation that it was just a publicity stunt to garner more attention for Kardashian’s show but the couple actually went through with the marriage, even without a solid prenuptial agreement. It was reported that Odom wanted to draw up a strong prenuptial agreement before the wedding but that was impossible due to how quickly everything happened. It was also impossible to push the wedding back since the producers of Kardashian’s television show were footing the bill for the $1 million wedding. Is this really what marriage has come to?

When God instituted marriage he didn’t have anything like the Kardashian/Odom marriage in mind.

Marriage is about knowing someone as deeply as we know ourselves.

Marriage is about binding our lives to the life of another person, forever.

Marriage is about a life-long commitment that shouldn’t be stepped into lightly.

I don’t know much about Khloe Kardashian’s and Lamar Odom’s worldviews but I imagine they don’t necessarily fall in line with my own. I can’t expect them to place the same value upon marriage that I do because we are coming from entirely different places. Looking at their marriage, though, provides a good opportunity to examine my own views on marriage. Their marriage provides a good opportunity to ponder my own worldview without attacking theirs.

I can’t imagine marrying someone I’d only known for a month. After knowing someone for a month I’m not even sure if I want to share a pizza with them, much less a life. It takes time to build quality relationships and marriage is supposed to be the most quality of relationships. I’ve heard stories about people who met and married in a whirlwind, just a matter of days, and went on to have great, life-long marriages. Those are definitely the exception, though, not the norm. A marriage needs to be built upon a quality relationship that is built over time.

I use to not understand why people took such offense to prenuptial agreements. Then I learned what a prenuptial agreement was and I began to understand. A prenuptial agreement just seems like the wrong way to begin a life-long commitment. It’s like committing to somebody forever but having a contingency plan just in case it doesn’t work out. When skydiving it’s a good idea to have a back up parachute, but in marriage it’s like coming out of the gate limping. A prenuptial agreement weakens the marriage’s foundation and begins spreading seeds of doubt, even before the wedding day. A prenuptial agreement is a completely selfish document that says I care more about my stuff than I do my commitment to my spouse; that just doesn’t seem like the best beginning possible. Also, I’m poor, so maybe that’s why a prenuptial agreement doesn’t mean anything to me.

I really don’t care that much about Khloe Kardashian’s marriage to Lamar Odom. I suppose I care about their marriage because I care about the institution and I don’t want to see any marriage fail, ever. Marriage was instituted by God as the deepest of all human relationships. We need to take marriage seriously and allow the different marriages we see, in our lives and through media, to push us to examine our own views of marriage. If you’re married, it’s important to continually evaluate your marriage and why you’re continuing to invest in your spouse and your marriage. If you’re planning on being married someday, marriage is something we need to thoroughly think through before saying “I do.”

What examples, positive or negative, have shaped your views on marriage?

Music Monday 06 - Banned Wedding Songs

I’ve been to a lot of weddings in my life. One of my favorite parts about going to weddings is the opportunity to dissect and critique each one. It gives me the chance to see what I would like to incorporate into my own wedding and what I would like to avoid. Now, as I’m preparing for my own wedding, I’ve got a lot of thoughts running through my head. This won’t be the last wedding-themed post but it is the first, and it focuses on songs that should never be played at any wedding.

Music is a big part of weddings. There is music during the ceremony, there is music as the couple enters the reception and, obviously, there is music during the dancing. There are a lot of opportunities to hear music at a wedding but that also means there are a lot of opportunities to make the wrong musical choices. I’ve heard plenty of music at weddings that was cheesy, offensive, incongruous with the occasion and just plain bad. Here are some songs that should never be played at a wedding.

Chuck Wicks – “Stealing Cinderella”

I make it a point not to listen to country music. In a perfect world I would have never heard the song “Stealing Cinderella.” But I was up late one night watching music videos on Palladia and I saw the video for “Stealing Cinderella” by Chuck Wicks. I don’t know who Chuck Wicks is and I’ve definitely never heard any other songs of his. This song, however, is completely contrived and entirely too sappy to play at a wedding. Here is the chorus:

Playing Cinderella
Riding her first bike
Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight
Running through the sprinkler with a big Popsicle grin
Dancing with her dad, looking up at him
In her eyes I’m Prince Charming
But to him I’m just some fella riding in and stealing Cinderella

The saccharine nature of this song is sweeter than any wedding cake and doesn’t even come with action figures of the couple on top. This song seems to have been written for the explicit intention of being played at weddings. Chuck Wicks isn’t planning on making money through record sales, but through the sale of sheet music. That way, any guy with an acoustic guitar can play it while the couple takes Communion or while the father and daughter have their dance, all while impressing the bridesmaids. There are a lot of really bad, sappy songs that show up at a wedding. In a tremendous upset, “Stealing Cinderella” has finally taken down the long-standing champ “Butterfly Kisses.”

Sting – “Brand New Day”

Without listening to the lyrics, “Brand New Day” by Sting seems like a great song to be played as the couple walks down the aisle as husband and wife for the very first time. The new couple is ready to face the brand new day of their lives together. In fact, my sister thought of playing this song at her wedding as she and my brother-in-law walked down the aisle. It seemed like a good plan until she found out that Sting wrote the song about his divorce. Here is a verse from the song:

One day you could be looking through
An old book in rainy weather
You see a picture of her smiling at you
When you were still together
Or you could be walking down the street
And who should you chance to meet
But that same old smile you've been thinking of all day?

Everyone wants to start their marriage out on the right foot; a song about divorce is the wrong foot. Songs like this really highlight the need to listen to the lyrics of all the songs played at a wedding. No one wants a song, which sounds good, to actually become a self-fulfilling prophecy about divorce. At a wedding that’s a brand new day that nobody wants to think about.

Steven Curtis Chapman – “I Will Be Here”

I actually really like this song a lot. Steven Curtis Chapman is the man and I would gladly have “Saddle Up Your Horses” played as I walked back down the aisle with my brand new bride. “I Will Be Here” is a great song because it’s romantic and acknowledges the role God plays in bringing a husband and wife together.

I will be true to the promise I have made
To you and to the one who gave you to me

I remember hearing this song in high school and I imagined playing it at my wedding. But now, after hearing it at a number of different weddings, it just doesn’t need to be played at anymore weddings, including my own. It had its time. It has run its course. It is time to move on. So any aspiring Christian artists should write the next “I Will Be Here” and release performance tracks in various keys.


I’m still trying to think about what music I would like played at my wedding. In some ways, it’s easier to pick the songs that I wouldn’t want to hear at my wedding. A wedding is a chance to celebrate the beginning of a life lived together and the soundtrack should match the occasion. A lot of thought should go into picking wedding music so that the wonderful, brand new day doesn’t turn into another example of Sting’s “Brand New Day.”

What song could you go without ever hearing at a wedding again?

Freeform Friday 06 - Bathroom Attendants

This is a re-post of an old MySpace blog.

I don't go into Los Angeles or Hollywood as much as I should, seeing as how I live 45 minutes away from their glitz and glamour. People from all those red states in the middle of the country seem to think that there are celebrities and famous people out and about, just walking the streets. And, according to the US Weekly that inexplicably shows up to my house every week, stars are wandering around the streets doing things just like all the rest of us. Things like driving to the grocery store in Ferraris and walking their dogs in $1000 Jimmy Choo Studded Shearling Boots. However, what most of those people in the Midwest don't realize is that there is a seedy underbelly to Hollywood rarely shown on the silver screen.

This seedy underbelly is inhabited by bathroom attendants, those men and women who view the sink in the restroom like Michelangelo viewed a slab of marble. Bathroom attendants stand or sit on a stool in restrooms ensuring that there are myriad choices of candy, cologne and soap. The main responsibility of the bathroom attendant is to hand the visitor a towel after he or she has finished drying his or her hands. Actually, I take that back. The main responsibility of the bathroom attendant is to make me feel like a jerk.

Next to the dishes of candy and bottles of cologne there is always a jar for tips.

Always.

The tip jar is always there, staring at me, mocking me, making me feel like the biggest jerk because I can't spare a few bucks for the guy who just handed me a paper towel. But why should I give money to someone who just gave me a paper towel? In life we pay for services we cannot do ourselves or that we are unwilling to do ourselves. I am completely incapable of fixing my truck, which is why I pay someone to do it. I am completely capable of washing my truck but I am unwilling to do it, so I pay someone to wash my truck for me. Grabbing a paper towel to dry my hands is not something I cannot do or something I am unwilling to do. So why in the world should I give someone money to give me a paper towel?

I am adamantly opposed to bathroom attendants. They expect me to pay them for something that I manage to do every day on my own and they stand there and stare at my back while I'm at the urinal, causing a little bit of stage fright. I don't think that they are bad people but they have chosen a bad, unnecessary and intrusive profession. Take your candy, take your cologne but leave the paper towels – I can grab those myself.

Theology Thursday 05 - Surprised by Faithfulness

I was talking about faithfulness to a friend the other day. When it comes down to it, we really have the choice of being faithful or unfaithful to our friends, spouses, families, boyfriends and girlfriends. My friend told me that we shouldn’t be surprised by our faithfulness. That makes sense to me when thinking about other people; I’m a faithful boyfriend, friend, son and brother. But when it comes to my relationship with God, sometimes I doubt my faithfulness. And when I am faithful, I’m surprised by my faithfulness.

We shouldn’t be surprised by our faithfulness. We were created to be faithful; faithfulness was God’s intention for humanity. Sin’s impact is so deep, though, that we think faithfulness is out of the ordinary and unfaithfulness is the norm. So when I’m unfaithful to God, part of me tells me that I’m just acting how I’m supposed to act. And when I am faithful to God, I’m surprised by my ability to be a faithful person. God created me to be a faithful person but the stain of sin has made me unfaithful.

So when we’re faithful, we shouldn’t be surprised

We shouldn’t be surprised when we stare temptation in the face and walk away.

We shouldn’t be surprised when we do the things that God asks us to do.

We shouldn’t be surprised when we live as God intended us to live.

If we begin to see faithfulness to God as the norm, then we’ll begin to live more faithful lives. If I saw unfaithfulness as the norm in my friendships, that would become a self-fulfilling prophecy; I would be unfaithful to my friends. It works the same way with God. If we see unfaithfulness to God as the norm, which I often do, then we’ll end up being unfaithful. But if we change our mind sets to see faithfulness as the norm, then we might just start living the faithful life God intended. We wouldn’t be surprised by our faithfulness anymore.

How are you surprised by your faithfulness?

Leadership Wednesday 06 - Dancing David

This past weekend in church the biblical focus of the sermon was 2 Samuel 6. In that passage David brings the Ark to Jerusalem and worships God by dancing before the Ark with all of his might, mostly in his underwear. (How awesome would it have been if one of the Nazis from Raiders of the Lost Ark danced in his underwear while they carried the Ark through the desert?) The scene with David is interesting because he is the leader of the country; God’s chosen king is the one at the front of the procession, celebrating the most and dancing the hardest. Obviously David was a great leader; he was Israel’s greatest king and his reign became associated with the coming reign of the Messiah. David was a great warrior who expanded Israel’s boundaries, in most situations he was a man of strong character and he is called a man after God’s own heart. And, along with that sparkling résumé, he used his leadership and influence to inspire those he led to worship God. His excitement became their excitement; he set the tone for their worship.

As leaders that is something we need to think about: our ability to set the tone for those we lead. David was excited about worshiping God and the Ark’s presence in Jerusalem. He was at the forefront of the worship and his people saw and responded in the same manner. So whatever attitude we choose for ourselves, that is the attitude that will be transferred to those we lead.

If we’re excited and passionate, those we lead will be excited and passionate.

If we’re distracted and aloof, those we lead will be distracted and aloof.

If we’re cynical and negative, those we lead will be cynical and negative.

For years at summer camp, at our first counselor meeting, we were told to have an “Oh Boy!” attitude. An “Oh Boy!” attitude meant that whatever happened at camp, whatever we were doing, needed to be met with a vocal “Oh Boy!” and actual excitement. We needed to have that kind of attitude and excitement because the students would take their cues from us, their counselors. If the counselors were excited about recreation, then the students would be excited about recreation. Conversely, if the counselors complained about having to be at breakfast at 8:30 in the morning, the students would follow suit and complain about the early breakfast.

I have seen this concept very clearly in recent years as I’ve led a small group for college students. So much of my attitude dictates how the group goes. Some nights I’m very tired, which leads me to being very off topic and prone to tangents. On those nights, I set the tone and most everyone in the group follows suit; they get off topic more often and follow me on my tangents or start their very own. On those nights I still have an “Oh Boy!” attitude, unfortunately it’s an “Oh Boy!” attitude for being off topic and following every rabbit trail that comes up. Luckily that doesn’t happen too often and, when the group can see it coming, there are people willing to lead up and keep the group on track. They seize the opportunity to lead, set the tone and have some influence.

As John C. Maxwell says, leadership is influence. We have the opportunity to use that influence well or poorly. We set the tone and our attitude dictates whether or not that will be a positive or negative tone. Honestly, that is a huge responsibility. It’s also a little scary to think that, as a leader, my personal attitude can have such an impact; but it’s just another part of leadership. And, whether we’ve been groomed for leadership or had it thrust upon us, we need to take that responsibility seriously and act accordingly.

The story from 2 Samuel 6 would have fallen flat had David just been sitting in his palace when the Ark was brought up to Jerusalem. We are moved and we like the story because of David’s unbridled passion and excitement, which invited the people to participate with just as much fervor. I’m not saying that as leaders we need to dance in our underwear but if that’s what it takes to get excited and set that tone for those we lead, then we’d better make sure the underwear is clean and hole-free.

When have you seen another leader set the tone with his or her attitude?

Topical Tuesday 06 - Subway

I read an article that said Subway is poised to soon have more worldwide locations than McDonald’s. Subway opens 40 new stores a week and will soon have 31,800 stores compared to McDonald’s 32,158 stores; at that rate, Subway will pass McDonald’s in about two months. Really, Subway needs to have a mascot because it would be great to Photoshop some anthropomorphized Subway car attacking Ronald McDonald and beating him into submission. It is pretty impressive, though, that a little sandwich shop is about to pass a worldwide institution like McDonald’s. McDonald’s stores still average significantly more sales than Subway stores; the average McDonald’s store does $2.3 million a year in sales while the average Subway store only does $455,000. In spite of those sales numbers, Subway and their market share is still impressive.

For my part, I’ve never been a huge fan of Subway. It’s true that their ingredients are fresh, but their meat seems to be the lowest grade meat possible while still being able to call it meat. When I buy a Subway sandwich I feel like I’m paying somebody to make me a sandwich out of the cold cuts I can buy at the grocery store. My attitude towards Subway has changed recently, though, as I’ve started buying into their advertising. Their sandwiches are better for me than In-N-Out or Del Taco and the sandwiches are fairly inexpensive, even if you venture beyond the $5 footlong.

Subway’s advertising is probably the greatest thing they ever did, marketing themselves as health food. It was either extreme luck or a complete stroke of genius to stumble upon Jared, the man who lost the equivalent to several small children by eating Subway. Now the company has a poster boy, literally, to tell people that eating subway is healthy. Well, eating Subway can be healthy, as long as you avoid the extremely thick layer of mayonnaise they like to put on the sandwiches.

In spite of my best efforts, I now frequent Subway with some amount of regularity. Partially because I can eat their food and not feel terribly afterwards, but also because it’s cheap and close. With 40 new stores opening every week, it’s no shock that there are at least three Subways within three minutes of my house. They don’t offer the best sandwiches but, for what you pay, it’s a pretty good deal.

How do you feel about Subway? What do you get when you go there?

Music Monday 05 - Worship Songs We Love to Hate

I really enjoy worshipping God through music; it is one of my favorite things. I still remember the first time I truly experienced God’s presence while worshipping God through music. I was sitting in a small house in Mexico in a room full of people with a single acoustic guitar. That night I felt like I really connected with God for the first time, like I was given the opportunity to just sit in God’s presence. From that moment on, I have loved to worship through music and I really like most worship songs. However, there are some worship songs that I just don’t like. No matter how much I sing them, no matter how much others like them and no matter how much they help other people connect with God, I still don’t like them. I have nothing against the writers and nothing against the people who sing or play them; I just don’t like the songs. It’s not that God can’t be praised and worshipped through them; I just don’t like them and would never pick them for a set list. Here are two examples.

Above All

The song “Above All” was released in 1999. For a while, it seemed like my church at the time would play the song in service every other weekend. I really like the verses of the song, which speak about Christ’s supremacy and his sovereignty. In seminary terms, the song has a very high Christology. In less pretentious terms, the song thinks Jesus is the coolest, cooler than Miles Davis. While I really like the verses, I can’t stand the chorus. Here it is:

Crucified, laid behind a stone
You lived to die rejected and alone
Like a rose trampled on the ground
You took the fall and thought of me
Above all

Really, there’s plenty wrong with that chorus. It’s fairly self-centered to think that Christ thought of me above all on the cross. I definitely think he was thinking of me, but there were billions of other people to think about. He could have also been thinking about the restoration of creation and the culmination of the work he had come to do.

I also can’t get beyond the line that begins “Like a rose…” The structure of that line seems to suggest that there are roses all over the place, getting trampled on the ground and thinking about me. I never knew roses were so caring; I never knew roses were so sentient. Maybe on a day when I’m feeling a little down and lonely I can find an anthropomorphized rose and trample it on the ground; then I would feel better because I’d know at least something was thinking about me. This line sounds a lot like the papers I wrote in high school and college: the line sounds good but it doesn’t really have any substance or meaning. And really, when we’re worshipping our holy God, we shouldn’t just bring him flowery words that sound good. The words with which we worship God should have meaning and purpose; they should speak to the character, love and awesomeness of God. If we don’t strive for that goal then our worship will be, in the words of Shakespeare’s Macbeth, “a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

I Will Not Forget You

Another song that came out in 1999, which rubs me the wrong way is “I Will Not Forget You.” I remember this song gained popularity at a summer camp and then it began frequently showing up when our high school students would worship. Again, not a bad song; it’s actually very catchy. However, I do have two problems with the song. The first problem stems from the pre-chorus and the line that says:

And my sacrifice is
Not what you can give
But what I alone can
Give to you

I don’t like this line because there is nothing I can give to God that he hasn’t already given to me. There is nothing that I alone can give to God because there is nothing that I have gained independent of God. This line takes the focus away from God and his complete primacy in our lives. The only reason I’m able to type this next word is because God is allowing me to continue breathing. If he decided that I shouldn’t continue breathing, you’d probably see something like this:

Nuj7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hynu7hym (That’s what my head types when dropped onto my keyboard)

My second problem comes from the second stanza of the chorus, which says:

A loud song I sing
A huge bell I ring
A life of praise I live before you

Never in my life have I rung a huge bell. Never. Maybe it’s my fault for growing up in less traditional churches that didn’t have a bell choir. Had I the opportunity to play in a bell choir, maybe that line would make complete and total sense to me. I have no idea how that line was written but here is how the conversation might have gone between the two songwriters.

“’A loud song I sing’? Yeah, that’s a good line.”
“Ok, we need a word that rhymes with ‘sing’ for the next line.”
“Bling? We could say, ‘I like your huge bling’?”
“Don’t be stupid. God doesn’t wear bling, except for maybe a huge diamond-crusted cross.”
“What about ring?”
“’I like your huge ring’? What is it with you and jewelry today?”
“No, not that kind of ring. Like a telephone ring or a ringing bell.”
“Oh. We could say ‘A huge bell I ring.’”
“Genius.”
“Genius.”

Again, this is another example of something sounding good but not making a lot of sense. Unless you hold your church services in Philadelphia and have access to the Liberty Bell, this song should never be played.

There are a lot of worship songs that people don’t like. Not everyone is always going to agree on what worship songs they like and what songs they dislike. I may like a song that you think is terrible and can’t stand singing; that’s just what happens when we all have our own opinions. The danger, though, is allowing our personal feelings about a song to keep us from worshipping God. I may not like “Above All” but I can’t let those feelings keep me from worshipping God; if that songs pops up on a Sunday morning I can’t just check out and start throwing a silent tantrum. Worship is about God, not whether or not we like a song. So whatever the song, if we’re worshipping God through music, we should strive to have our hearts in the right place and worship God no matter what. Even if that means finding a huge bell to make it work.

What worship songs do you dread popping up on a Sunday morning?

Freeform Friday 05 - Freshmen Questions

I spent all day yesterday at Los Osos High School speaking to freshmen about setting goals. Freshmen and sophomores go through a series of talks given by guest speakers; the point of the talks is to keep students away from drugs and gangs. I was asked by a friend to fill in and he suggested that I spend the first few minutes fielding questions so the students could get to know me better. I thought that it was a good way to break the ice between me and the students so I gave it a shot. Here are some of the questions the students asked me.

What ethnicity are you?

The students were fascinated by my ethnicity; this question came up in most of the periods. Maybe the question came up because I’m such an exotic mix: half Japanese, one quarter Swedish and one quarter Dutch. When I was talking about my Japanese roots, another student would inevitably ask if I could speak Japanese. Whenever anyone asks me if I know how to speak Japanese, I am prompted to discern their ethnic background and ask if they can speak that language. For some reason, if a person has a non-European ethnic background, it is assumed that he or she can speak the language. Tied to the issue of my ethnicity were comments that I look like Jon Gosselin from Jon and Kate Plus Eight. I told them that I might look like Jon but I am in no way as big of a jerk. I actually have some more choice words for Jon but considering the context “jerk” was all I could say.

Are you married?

I told the students that I wasn’t married but I do have a girlfriend. Some of the students were confused at the concept of me having a girlfriend. I thought it was because they assumed I was completely undateable but it was because they thought pastors couldn’t be married or even date anyone. I had to explain to them that Catholic priests take a vow of celibacy and can’t get married but as a Protestant pastor I most definitely can get married. They got really confused with all of the talk about Catholics and Protestants and then I remembered that they haven’t had world history yet. Once they found out that I have girlfriend, they asked me if she was cute. I said that she was extremely cute and very attractive but one of the students told me that I have to say that because she’s my girlfriend. I thought that was a good point.

Do you like your job?

I told them that I very much like my job because I like being around students. I also like that I can count video games and Wahoo’s runs as work if I’ve got students with me. I also like my job because it affords me the opportunity to spend all day at a high school talking to students about setting goals. It’s important to set goals, it is a good lesson to learn, but for me it was just worthwhile to be around students in a setting other than church. It was also good to see some students from our youth group in a different environment. Really, it was just a good day to be a youth pastor and be around some youth.

It was a good day but I was tired afterwards. After three periods I sent my sister, a high school teacher, this text:

I’m speaking to freshmen at Los Osos about setting goals. I’ve done three periods and I’m tired. I’ve got more respect for you now.

It was a long day but it was good day highlighted by time with students and the funny questions they can come up with if given the opportunity.

What is a funny question someone younger has asked you?

Leadership Wednesday 05 - Leadership is a Process. Ugh.

I’ve been involved in organized leadership since I was 16-years-old. I started out as a leader on our high school ministry’s student leadership team. After that I worked as an intern for our church’s junior high ministry. I spent years as a volunteer working with both junior high and high school students. For a year while I was in seminary, I was the volunteer director for a student ministry. And now, for the past two years, I have been a full-time pastor. I have been leading for almost 12 years, yet sometimes I feel like I’m still at square one. I know I’ve progressed as a leader; I know that I’ve gotten better. However, from time to time, I still get frustrated with the process.

I am currently reading John C. Maxwell’s modern classic The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership. I’m nearing the end of the book and I’ve got the sinking feeling that I should have read the book a lot sooner, a lot earlier in my leadership career. It is filled with lots of insights for leaders that are both practical and applicable. Apart from the 21 laws, what sticks out to me most is Maxwell’s profession that he was just beginning to come into his own as a leader when he wrote the book in the late 90s; he was in his late 50s and he felt like he was just starting to pull things together. Obviously he had led others and he had been a great leader for years, but he didn’t really feel like he had arrived until he passed the half century mark.

Crap.

Does that mean I’ve got another 25 more years to go? That’s a long time. I was kind of hoping I could wrap things up by the time I was 40 and spend the next 40 years spouting wisdom like some guru. That’s not possible, though, because leadership development is a process and, in the words of John Mayer, I am in repair. Since leadership development is a lifelong process, it’s important to find benchmarks along the way to mark any and all progress.

Maybe you’ve made the decision to reorder your life in order to be more productive.

Perhaps you’re gaining traction and creating momentum from a decision that you’ve made.

Maybe you’re beginning to see how you’ve helped multiply leadership, even in the smallest ways.

Leadership development is a process that needs to be embraced; it is through the process that you and I will become more effective and productive leaders. Sitting in the middle of the process can sometimes be frustrating, but we have to reflect upon past successes and continue to push forward. Something that brings me encouragement is a quote from Craig Groeschel:

God has given us everything we need to do all that he wants us to do.

I always thought this applied mainly to resources and finances, but it applies to leadership skills and abilities as well. God has given me the leadership abilities I need to do everything he wants me to do. When he wants me to do more, it’ll be because I’ve focused on my leadership development and intentionally moved forward in the process. And if the thought of getting to do more for God’s kingdom here on earth can’t get me excited about the process, I don’t know what will.

How do you find encouragement in the midst of your own leadership development process?

Topical Tuesday 05 - Kanye West and Repentance

At the MTV Video Music Awards this past weekend, Taylor Swift won the award for best female video. The most shocking part of the evening, other than MTV programming anything to do with music videos, was Kanye West’s interruption of Swift’s acceptance speech. Kanye took to the stage and said this:

"Taylor, I'm really happy for you. I'll let you finish, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time! One of the best videos of all time!"

It is considered unacceptable behavior to interrupt someone else’s acceptance speech, especially if you’re not even nominated in the same category; Kanye’s gender precluded his nomination for the award. It is also unacceptable to pull someone underneath the bus with you, which, from the look on her face, is how Beyonce felt. After the awards and the following night on the Jay Leno show, Kanye apologized and said that he was sorry for taking away from Taylor Swift’s moment. But how sorry was he?

Kanye has a pattern of taking away from the moments of others. In 2004, he stormed out of the American Music Awards when he lost the best new artist award to Gretchen Wilson. In my opinion, Kanye probably should have won the award; he is tremendously talented. Yet taking away from someone else’s moment because you’re a sore lose is immature and childish. Another time, in 2006 at the MTV Europe Music Awards, Kanye lost an award to Justice and Simian; during their acceptance speech, Kanye interrupted them and told the crowd that he should have won. How sorry can Kanye really be if he continues to act the same way? How sorry can he be if he doesn’t do anything to change?

Truly being sorry for something should lead to repentance. Repentance is a turning away from something and moving in a different direction. Repentance requires more than feeling sorry and momentarily guilty; those feelings need to be coupled with lasting change. Unless our apologies are coupled with actions that show we’ve changed, we’re not really that sorry. Sometimes we keep doing something to hurt a friend, over and over again. We may apologize each time but if we continue to do the same thing, then we’re not really sorry. We can also fall into the same pattern in our lives with God. We can sin over and over again and continually confess that sin to God. But unless we trust in grace to cleanse us and lead us to repentance, we’re really not that sorry and our confession is a little hollow.

Unfortunately, a lot of apologies can simply be lip service. We can say that we’re sorry without ever really changing, without ever truly repenting. We need to not only speak an apology but prove that apology true by changing the way we live, by repenting from and old way and turning to a new one. Obviously, I don’t know Kanye’s heart; I can only perceive his actions. But from his actions, he speaks an apology but he doesn’t live out that apology. When we’re sorry, when we apologize, we need to repent and live out that apology. We need to live out that apology whether it’s to a friend, a family member or our holy God.

How can you live out an apology to someone in your life?

Music Monday 04 - Work Music

Last Monday was Labor Day and, since I took the day off from writing, I thought I’d highlight some music about work this week. Music and work go hand-in-hand, especially if you’re a professional musician. But even for those of us who aren’t, music and work still have a very close relationship. I find that music makes work far more bearable; just like making fun of the vampire guy from the Black Eyed Peas makes listening to “Boom Boom Pow” more bearable. Whether I’m writing, working on a sermon, cleaning the kitchen or stacking chairs at church, I like listening to music while I work. I thought that I’d take a look at some songs about work and the best situations to listen to them.

“Working for the Weekend” – Loverboy
Loverboy’s hit “Working for the Weekend” was released in 1981 and charted on both of Billboard’s pop singles and mainstream rock charts. It was a popular song in the 80s but has also recently gained popularity from its inclusion in television shows, commercials and movies. The most classic of these recent appearances is in the move Zoolander, when Derek Zoolander is working in a coal mine.

I think I’ve got the black lung, pop.

Here are the lyrics to the chorus:

Everybody's working for the weekend
Everybody wants a little romance
Everybody's goin' off the deep end
Everybody needs a second chance

This is the perfect song to listen to on a Friday afternoon at 3:00. Staring at the clock, it provides the motivation needed to make it through to the weekend, those final two hours until the clock strikes 5:00 and it’s time to go home. This song has lost some meaning for me since I now work every Sunday but I still like the principle and I still remember what it was like for 5:00 to hit on a Friday afternoon.

I remember heading out of the office listening to this song on my iPod, rocking a little air guitar while walking down the hall. Then dancing a little to the elevator, pretending I was wearing a sick 80s headband while loosening my tie and undoing the top button on my Oxford shirt. Then shaking the doorman’s hand as I finally headed to my car; I was ready for a weekend filled with potential and hopefully a little love and mystery.

“A Spoonful of Sugar” – Mary Poppins
I thought of titling this section “’A Spoonful of Sugar’ – My First Love.” Every year when I was growing up Mary Poppins was broadcast on TV and I would watch it. I liked the chimney sweeps, I liked the penguins and I liked the scene where everyone was laughing/drunk and floating in the room. But more than anything, I liked Mary Poppins; nay, I loved Mary Poppins. I dreamed that one day Mary Poppins would be my nanny and I hoped that we could parlay her role as nanny into the role of my wife.

As a young child I made no connection between Mary Poppins and Julie Andrews; I didn’t love Julie Andrews, I loved Mary Poppins. To me Julie Andrews was that singing, Austrian nun from The Sound of Music with the boy’s haircut. Mary Poppins was the love of my life and the standard by which I measured every woman in my life. And while I’ve grown out of my boyish obsession with the nanny who was practically perfect in every way, I still have a special place in my heart for Mary Poppins and all the songs she sang. One of those songs was “A Spoonful of Sugar;” a song about adding a little fun to any job to make it more bearable. The song begins like this:

In ev'ry job that must be done
There is an element of fun
You find the fun and snap
The job's a game

And ev'ry task you undertake
Becomes a piece of cake
A lark! A spree! It's very clear to see that

A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
The medicine go down
The medicine go down
Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
In a most delightful way

I love Mary Poppins but even I can see that this is a thinly veiled attempt to get little kids to do their chores. We have a popular Disney move and a song about doing chores sung by a goddess, which could mean only one thing: Walt Disney’s kids weren’t doing their chores and he wanted a way to inspire them to work harder. I can’t remember if this song made me work any harder as a kid but I know today, if Mary Poppins came to me and asked me to stop checking my Facebook and fantasy football and get to work, I totally would.

This is a great song to listen to while working around the house and it’s an even better song to quietly play while your children are sleeping. Listening to the sweet sound of Mary Poppins’ voice as they silently sleep, your children will subliminally learn the message that work is fun and that they should work hard. And if the message really sinks in, your children will commit themselves to a life of labor, starting and selling countless business and making your retirement very comfortable.


Listening to music while working is awesome. A lot of my friends and even my mother have taken to listening to Pandora from their office computers. The music I listen to depends a lot on the work that I’m doing.

If I’m reading, I listen to classical.

If I’m writing, I listen to electronic instrumental music like Daft Punk or Explosions in the Sky.

If I’m cleaning, I listen to sports talk podcasts.

We all have to work at some point in our lives and we should be grateful for the opportunity and ability. But if some days those aren’t enough, thankfully we’ve got music to make working more bearable.

What music do you listen to while working?

Freeform Friday 04 - Football and Friends

Last night the 2009 NFL season kicked off. Finally. I was really excited for the game and for the season to begin. I think I am especially excited this year because the Chicago Cubs’ season unraveled about three weeks ago and I’ve been looking for something to fill the sports void in my life. I don’t really care about either team that played last night, the Pittsburgh Steelers or the Tennessee Titans, but the teams didn’t matter; it was football. I had people over to my house to grill and watch the game, which is what I like most about football. Football is a reason to gather and spend time with friends.

I have been a guy for the entirety of my life, unless my parents are keeping major secrets about my infancy from me. In my experience as a guy, I have bonded with my closest guy friends by doing things together.

Vegas trips.

Going to baseball games.

Watching football on TV.

I cannot tell you how many hours my friends and I have sat watching football together. I can tell you that it’s easily more time than I’ve spent watching The View, Grey’s Anatomy, Dancing with the Stars and any Matthew McConaughey movie combined. But watching football with my friends isn’t just about watching sports, eating food and embracing our XY chromosomes; it’s about building relationships and finding life-long friends.

Those friendships weren’t built over a single game or even a single season; years have been invested into those relationships. For my closest friends and me, sports provided a strong relational foundation upon which we were able to build. Obviously there is more to our friendships than just hanging out and watching sports but sports have provided the environment for those relationships to grow and mature. So many of my friendships began by watching sports but I know that’s not the case for everyone. Finding the right people for authentic relationships is important but it’s also important to find the way that you best connect with those people.

Cup of coffee.

Book club.

Mountain biking.

Ministry.

Scrapbooking.

It doesn’t matter what you do as long as you create an environment where authentic relationships can grow and mature.

Hank Williams, Jr. once sang, “Are you ready for some football?” After my almost feral response to the NFL kickoff last night, my answer is a resounding “Yes.” I wasn’t just excited just because I like football or because I’m stoked to talk trash in my fantasy league or because Jay Cutler is going to lead the Bears to the Super Bowl; I was excited because I know what football has meant to my friendships over the years. And now every Sunday, every Monday and some Thursdays and Saturdays, I’ll have an excuse to hang out with my friends and continue building those relationships. Not that we need an excuse but, if we did, football is as good as any.

What do you do with friends in order to build those relationships?

Theology Thursday 04 - Sin Management

For all intents and purposes I have been a Christian for the entirety of my life. I asked Jesus to come into my heart when I was 5-years-old; that prayer at Highland Community Church was important and it meant a lot for my life. However, the decision at 13-years-old to truly commit my life to Jesus was much more important and has meant a lot more for my life. By God’s grace, I’ve never had any major falling away; for the most part I have lived my life well and have been a pretty good person. The only problem is that a relationship with Jesus isn’t necessarily about being a good person.

I know that being a good person won’t bring me eternal life, now or when I die. I could be a good person and still lack purpose; I could be a good person and still be separated from God for eternity. Yet, even though I know that being a good person isn’t what being a Christian is all about, that seems to have become the focus of my life with Christ. I’ve heard so many sermons on being a good person and I’ve given so many sermons on striving to stay away from sin that my life has been reduced to a practice of sin management. I feel that as long as I can stay away from sin and be a good person then I’m doing everything Jesus wants and I’ve got a healthy relationship with him.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s very important that we avoid sin. If we are followers of Jesus then we need to follow the example of his righteous life. Obviously we’ll never be fully free from sin until we receive our glorified bodies, but we should commit ourselves to the process of sanctification; we should seek after righteousness. But seeking after righteousness should never take the place of seeking after Jesus himself.

Sin management tries to seek righteousness without truly seeking after Jesus.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve traded a passionate love of Jesus for a passionate love of not sinning. Instead of actively spending time with Jesus, focused on his person and how he wants to transform me, I am actively spending time avoiding sin, focusing on all the things I do wrong and how I can keep them out of my life. While that kind of life may look “good,” it doesn’t exactly look like the full life Jesus promised to give his followers.

The full life that Jesus promised can only be found by truly seeking after Jesus and allowing him to transform us from the inside out. I can spend my whole life avoiding sin and trying to be good but that won’t lead to any sort of true transformation. The goal shouldn’t merely be sin management; it should be true transformation, which causes sin to lose its appeal. Sin will always have some amount of appeal and there will always be temptation, but the more time I spend with Jesus the more appealing he will become, even more appealing than the sin in my life.

We shouldn’t just seek after righteousness; we should seek after Jesus. Righteousness is the natural byproduct of actively, passionately and intentionally seeking after Jesus. In John 15 Jesus says that apart from remaining and abiding in him we cannot bear any fruit. One fruit of that time spent with Jesus is righteousness; another fruit of that time spent with Jesus is less sin in our lives.

When we sit and spend time with Jesus we see who he is.

When we actively relate with Jesus we’re better able to be who he wants us to be.

When we intentionally seek after Jesus he can make us righteous as he truly transforms us from within.

Christians use the term “relationship with Jesus” quite a bit; I’ve even used it in this post. Even though I use the term, I’m still trying to figure out its full meaning. I may not fully understand the term but I do know that a relationship with Jesus is not about sin management. The life that Jesus wants for us goes beyond just trying to avoid the bad things more often than we give into them. The life that Jesus wants for us is about being transformed and living the life for which we have always been intended. That starts with actively relating to Jesus, not just being in a relationship with him. And as we spend time with him and seek after him, sin management will fall to the background as we simply enjoy living life with Jesus and the righteousness that comes from walking with our Lord and savior.

How have you bought into the practice of sin management?

Leadership Wednesday 04 - A New Role

I sat in on my first MPT meeting at work yesterday. MPT stands for “Ministry Planning Team”; it is the senior leadership team at the church. I was a little nervous for this first meeting; I didn’t want to make any mistakes or say anything too stupid. I’ve worked with everyone on that team for two years and have never had any problems with any of them. Still, walking into the room, I was a little anxious for what the next three hours would hold.

As a young leader I’m always caught between the place of not saying enough and saying too much. I spent many of my early days in leadership thinking I knew everything; I never want to get to that place again so I tend to listen more than I speak. Obviously listening is good practic but we shouldn’t always be listeners, sometimes we need to be the speakers. My desire to avoid the mistakes of my early leadership experiences is so great that sometimes I think it stifles my desire to speak my mind and share my insights. While I didn’t know that much when I was 19 and just getting started as a leader, over the past 10 years in ministry I have finally gained some insights and I have opinions worth sharing.

The great part about the MPT is that a lot of the other members have encouraged me to speak my mind and share my insights; in a way they have more confidence in what I bring to the table than I do. They all agreed to invite me to that table, not as a token young person, but because they believed that I have insights that will elevate the conversation and help our church fall more in line with where God wants us to be. Even thinking about it now, it is so encouraging that this group that I respect has chosen to empower me by giving me this new opportunity.

My only struggle now is fully embracing the role I’ve been given. I cannot simply listen anymore; I have to trust that I’m on this team for a reason and need to bring something to the table. For me, there is always the danger of slipping into arrogance, which is a dangerous prospect for any leader. But it’s just as dangerous to allow a false sense of humility to keep us from fully engaging and speaking when given the opportunity. I know that a seat on this team is the next step in my progression as a leader; I just hope it’s a step I take fully, moving forward and not looking back.

How do you balance the arrogance and humility of leadership?

Topical Tuesday 04 - Obama's Speech and Abidicating Administrators

Today President Obama gave a speech to children from kindergarten students to seniors in high school. I have yet to read the transcript of that speech and I really have no issue with the President speaking to school children. I don’t think that he is going to use that time as an opportunity to brainwash children into accepting some secret socialist agenda that will lead to the downfall of our democratic society. I also don’t support those who advocated a walkout, leaving the classroom during the speech to go and pray around the flag pole. If you would like to discuss those or other pertinent issues, please let me know.

However, reading about the speech and the subsequent outrage from some conservatives, I did notice something that caused a little outrage of my own. I was reading this article on CNN.com, which sad that Bella Wong, an administrator from Massachusetts, among others, was leaving the decision to show the President’s speech in the hands of the individual teachers. School administrators should be the ones making the decision to show the speech or not; that shouldn’t be a decision left in the hands of teachers. I think that teachers are more than capable of making that decision; they are, after all, responsible for the education of America’s next generation. But just because teachers can make that decision doesn’t mean they should. It seems to me that some administrators are afraid to take a stand and want to leave not only the responsibility but also the culpability in the hands of teachers.

If a teacher decides to show the speech to his or her classroom and an irate parent calls to complain, the administration has cleared itself of all culpability; it hasn’t taken a stand on the issue so it cannot be seen as supporting any decision made by teachers. This is a tremendous misstep in leadership. Administrators are responsible for leading and guiding schools but in Bella Wong’s case and the case of any other administrators abdicating responsibility, they have decided to stop leading, to sit this one out and let the situation unfold without them at the forefront. This speech has become a lightning rod issue and for any administrator to recuse him or herself shows an unwillingness to take a stand, however unpopular, and lead.

Even if a school administrator decided not to show the speech, something that I would oppose, I would still support that decision exponentially more than an administrator who simply washed his or her hands of the issue and took an early lunch. This is a prime example of leadership being about more than just a position. These administrators who aren’t taking a stand have been given a leadership position but are doing nothing with it; they’re allowing a potential pushback to keep them from making and sticking to a decision. Leaders need to make sure that they’re not only meeting the level of their leadership position, but striving to grow beyond that position. Leadership doesn’t come from position; leadership comes from influence garnered by service and character. These administrators who refuse to make a decision over the President’s speech are showing a lack of character and, therefore, an inability to effectively lead.

Most school administrators do an admirable job of handling students, teachers, parents, districts, state regulations and federal regulations; I do not envy the overloaded plates that sit before most school administrators. I’m sure that most administrators also do a tremendous job providing leadership and guidance for their schools; they not only hold a leadership position but they meet and pass that level of leadership. But for those who abdicate responsibility and are more concerned with their own culpability when it comes to an unpopular decision, there needs to be change. If we’ve been called to lead or, even if we’re just employed to lead, we need to do just that: lead. We have to get in the front of the pack, set the course and move in that direction. Our organizations won’t last if we don’t have the character necessary to make the difficult decisions, however unpopular they may be. Leadership isn’t a popularity contest; it’s utilizing influence for the benefit of others. And abdicating responsibility and recusing ourselves from difficult decisions is of a benefit to no one.

Freeform Friday 03 - KFC's Double Down

A few years ago I was moved to blog by something so heinous and disgusting that I couldn’t stay silent. Kentucky Fried Chicken had just introduced their Famous Bowls and it seemed like they had finally hit rock bottom, like the Colonel and company couldn’t invent anything more degrading to the American public’s intelligence and sensibilities. The Famous Bowls, however, became one of KFC’s most popular items, feeding some Americans’ desire to have disparate food items all piled in a bowl and covered with cheese and gravy. So, since the atrocity of the Famous Bowls led to higher profit margins and a larger share of the gravy demographic, KFC has attempted to create another food atrocity and meet with the same level of success. That atrocity is the Double Down and it may very well be one of the first signs of the apocalypse.


KFC’s Double Down is a sandwich, in the loosest sense of the word. It is a sandwich filled with bacon, a slice of Swiss cheese, a slice of pepper jack cheese and the Colonel’s sauce. Take all of those ingredients, sandwich them between two original recipe fried chicken filets and you’ve got yourself the new KFC Double Down. Right now it is only available in two markets, Rhode Island and Nebraska, but if it sells well it could show up soon at your neighborhood KFC. Considering the despicable nature of the Famous Bowls and their ability to sell, I’d wager that something far more despicable, like the Double Down, will have an even greater ability to sell. And, when that happens, we’ll have a new cheesy, fried, bacony craze sweeping the nation.

KFC has not released any official nutrition information for the Double Down yet. They have released estimates for some nutritional categories. Here are those numbers:

Calories: 590

Calories from fat: 280

Total fat: 31g

Saturated fat: 10g

Honestly, I’m a little shocked by those numbers; I thought that the caloric intake would be significantly higher. Again, these are only estimates so the final numbers could be worse…or much worse. Even with less-than-expected numbers, the Double Down really isn’t something any human being should eat. If not for the nutritional values, then for the simple fact that we have the choice to be more mature and discerning in the foods we choose to eat.

Honestly, we all eat food that we probably shouldn’t; this week I ate a piece of red velvet cheesecake, which was delicious. But when we choose to splurge and eat something we shouldn’t, we should at least make sure that it is worthwhile. As we grow up and get older, our palates hopefully grow and mature along with us.

When I was younger all I wanted to eat were SpaghettiOs; now the thought of eating any of Chef Boyardee’s creations sickens me.

When I was younger I never wanted to eat fish; now I consider it a lucky day when I get to have sushi.

When I was younger I never wanted to eat vegetables; now I love firing up the grill and cooking zucchini or asparagus.

As our palates grow and change we should leave behind some of the foods of our youth, which definitely include something like the Double Down. Bacon and cheese wrapped in fried chicken shouldn’t appeal to a sensible adult; that is food for a child.

We like to eat food that isn’t good for us: whether that’s a gourmet pizza, a juicy steak or a decadent dessert. Obviously, our diets shouldn’t be solely composed of such meals but, every so often, it’s not a bad thing to splurge. When we splurge, though, we should make those meals and those extra calories worth it; we shouldn’t waste them on some sophomoric concoction like the Double Down. We should embrace a mature and discerning palate and look forward to the adventure of eating something we’ve never had before. So, this weekend:

Try a recipe that you’ve never made before.

Visit a restaurant that serves a type of food you’ve never had.

Don’t go to Kentucky Fried Chicken. Stick it to the Colonel and his Double Down.

What is one food you avoided as a child but now like?

Theology Thursday 03 - Satellite Dish

My roommate, Tim, has a dog named Chianti. She’s a black lab and not the brightest dog in the world. But she’s nice and sweet, if not a little simple. Two weeks ago Chianti got bit or scratched by something on her face. It started out as just a little wound but she continually scratched it and licked it; the wound began to grow and get infected. Pretty soon, after all the attention she paid it, the wound had grown and Chianti had a big open sore on the side of her face. After a week, it wasn’t healing; it was getting worse. Tim went to the pet store and got some wound treatment spray and, the greatest fear of every dog, the satellite dish.

Chianti is not a big fan of the satellite dish. It limits what she wants to do.

She wants to scratch, but she can’t.

She wants to jump into her chair, but she can’t.

She wants to eat everything in sight, but she can’t.

She is limited in what she can do but it is for her own good. Tim knows what’s best for Chianti, even if Chianti can’t understand. And the worst part about the satellite dish was, when we first put it on, she looked up at us with the biggest puppy dog eyes. It was like she was asking us what she had done wrong. She had the face of a dog that was being punished only she couldn’t understand why. The reality is that Chianti isn’t being punished; we are just looking out for her own good because she can’t do it on her own.

Sometimes I view God’s laws and commandments the same way Chianti views the satellite dish. I see God’s laws as restricting, keeping me from doing all the things that I really want to.

If there’s somewhere I want to go, God’s laws tell me I can’t.

If there’s something I want to do, God’s laws tell me I can’t.

If there’s something I want to pursue, God’s laws tell me I can’t.

God’s laws limit me but it’s for my own good. God loves me and understands what’s best for me even if I don’t. I may not give God puppy dog eyes, but sometimes I wonder why he’s keeping me from doing all of these things that I want to do, all of these things that seem so fun and natural; sometimes I feel like the Christian life is a punishment. God isn’t actively punishing me, though; he’s actively loving me. God is looking out for my own good because I can’t do it on my own.

Humanity is stained with sin and, left to our own devices, we’ll just sit there and scratch it and lick and pander to it. Sin is like an initial wound that can grow, it can get infected and consume our lives; eventually, if left unchecked, our lives will just become one big, open sore. God’s laws keep us from scratching and picking at the wound. Ultimately, the wound can only be healed by the grace and forgiveness of Jesus Christ brought through his death on a cross and resurrection three days later. But God’s laws help us to keep the wound in check while we wait for Christ’s return and our new glorified bodies, free from the stain of sin.

God knows that humanity is stained with sin; he knows we’re a rebellious lot. The things God tells us to do and not to do help provide boundaries in which we can live the lives that God originally intended for us. God didn’t intend sin; it wasn’t in the original plan. Sin has so broken humanity, though, that we think sin is normal and righteousness is the abnormality. Sin is unnatural; righteous lives lived according to God’s will, that is natural, that is what we were created for. And the satellite dish of God’s laws help us to catch a glimpse of the natural life God intended for us.

God is not punishing us.

God is not keeping us from those things which seem fun and natural.

God knows what’s best and he’s helping us live the lives for which we were created.

When have God’s laws helped you live the life for which you were created?

Leadership Wednesday 03 - Leader in Training

Over the weekend I met someone new and I was introduced as a “minister in training.” It was a good-natured rib to which I didn’t take offense. Thinking about it, though, it would have been very easy to take offense at being labeled a “minister in training.” My business card doesn’t say “minister” on it but it does say “pastor.” I have been involved in ministry for over 10 years; I have had a lot of on-the-job training. I have been professionally trained by Fuller Theological Seminary; I studied for three years to earn the title, no matter how pretentious, Master of Divinity. It would be easy for me to think that after all this experience, all this schooling and two years as a full-time pastor that I would be beyond the training phase. The reality for leaders, though, is that we’re never fully beyond the training phase.

When I was 19-years-old I had been doing ministry for two years and I thought I knew everything. I really thought I was God’s gift to ministry and that there wasn’t anything I didn’t know.

My ideas were the best.

My ideas were the brightest.

My ideas most reflected the character and heart of God.

Obviously, none of those were true. I was 19 and I really didn’t know anything, especially how to hold a learning posture. I thought that two years of training were adequate; I didn’t need to be trained, I didn’t need to learn and I didn’t need to listen to anyone. At that moment, at that age, with my experience, I was ready to be the next great leader for God’s kingdom.

Looking back, I wish I understood then what I know now:

A leader’s learning process is never over.

Never.

Maintaining a learning posture is a vital component of effective leadership. We need to be willing to learn from others: from their experiences, from their successes and from their failures. If we’re not inputting new ideas then we’re just going to continue outputting the same ideas and insights. Those ideas and insights may have worked a year ago, they may have worked six months ago, but we need to keep adding to our knowledge base to meet new issues or readdress old issues from a new perspective.

I have the honor and privilege of meeting with some wonderful people who view me as some sort of mentor. Over the last few months I began to realize in my discussions with them that I was sounding a lot like a broken record. I wasn’t gathering any new input into my life so I had no new ideas to share, no new insights to bring to the table. I realized that I wasn’t being a good steward of the respect given to me and of the opportunity to speak into the life of another person. Armed with that realization, I decided to take a learning posture and spend an hour reading every day, just to garner some more knowledge and gain some new input. I want to expand my knowledge base so that I’ve got something more to give.

So how do we take and maintain a learning posture? Here are three ways.

Read something worthwhile every day.

Reading is so important for the life of a leader. Former White House Advisor, David Gergen, said “Not every reader is a leader but every leader is a reader.” There is a wealth of information out there, all sorts of new input that can shape our ideas and insight; we just need to read it. Read a nonfiction book on leadership. Read a fiction book that addresses the human condition. Find the blog of a pastor or CEO whom you admire and bookmark it. Sign up for Twitter and follow people who use their tweets to disseminate valuable information, not just that they’re standing in line at Starbucks. Here are some people who are worth following for the information that they share: Michael Hyatt, Rick Warren, Mike Foster.

Spend time with other leaders.

Some of the best insight I’ve gained about leadership hasn’t come from a conference or a structured meeting; it has come over an impromptu cup of coffee or a quick lunch during a break from the office. If there is someone in your life from whom you would like to glean new ideas and insight, call him or her up. Set up a lunch or schedule a coffee appointment. It doesn’t have to be a structured interview about different facets of leadership; just spend time with a knowledgeable, growing leader and you’re bound to learn something worthwhile.

Learn from anyone and everyone.

It is impossible to have a learning posture and still say, “I can’t learn anything from that person.” We can learn leadership lessons from anyone and everyone at all times; we just have to be willing to learn them. From the lowest person on the totem pole to the person at the top, everyone has something to teach if we have a learning posture. We need to humble ourselves and realize that we don’t know everything, we can’t know everything. And, even if we don’t particularly like someone else, that doesn’t mean we can’t learn from them.

If we are leaders then we are still in training and will be until the day we die; the onus is on us to recognize and embrace that fact. If we can’t, our knowledge base will continue to shrink as the world continues to grow and we’ll begin to sound like a broken record to those we lead. If we can, then we’re only limited by the time we commit and our ability to continually apply what we’ve learned. The opportunity to lead is a wonderful gift and an invaluable honor. We will make the most of that opportunity if we maintain a learning posture and embrace the reality that we’ll always be in training.

Topical Tuesday 03 - Ted Kennedy and Pink Elephants

I did not major in political science. I do not watch CNN or Fox News all afternoon, garnering every bit of political insight and knowledge. In spite of my political shortcomings, I did manage to hear about the death of Ted Kennedy and even watched parts of some retrospectives on his life. I never met Ted Kennedy and I have never lived in Massachusetts, but I do know that he was a long-standing senator who really cared about those in need and thought that the American government should be at the forefront of seeking justice. He was a great senator but, in spite of everything he did, there are qualifiers tagged onto his legacy. Most of those qualifiers stem from the Chappaquiddick incident and his connection with rape allegations brought against his nephew, William Kennedy Smith.

I’ve no desire to debate the efficacy of Kennedy as a senator nor do I want to tarnish his image. Looking at his death, though, can push us to think about our own and the legacy which we would like to leave behind. Our legacy is a difficult thing to think about. When I was younger it was almost impossible for me to think beyond myself and the day I was living. I couldn’t comprehend how my actions would influence others in my life and those coming after me. The decisions I made as a high school student in our church’s youth group would create and affirm a culture that would be passed down to the students following after me; this was a reality lost on me no matter how hard my youth pastor tried to get me to see it. I simply couldn’t wrap my mind around the concept of a legacy and whether or not there would be any qualifiers tied to that legacy.

Whenever I think about death and legacy, my mind always turns to my funeral and how I want to be remembered. What is the funeral or memorial service going to be like? How many people will be there? Will they play “I Can Only Imagine” instead of “Where the Streets Have No Name” and cause me to roll over in the casket right there in front of everyone? Will there be any pink elephants in the room that everyone avoids as they step up to the microphone?

“Scott was a great person, except for the alcoholism.”

“Scott was a great pastor, except he cared more about his own glory than God’s.”

“Scott was a great husband, except for all those times he cheated on his wife.”

I want my funeral to be a celebration of my life and all the things for which God was gracious enough to use me. I know that I won’t have as much influence as Ted Kennedy, my legacy won’t cast as long a shadow and won’t impact as many people. Even so, I want my legacy, no matter how small and insignificant, to be free from qualifiers; at my funeral I don’t want there to be any pink elephants in the room.

So how do we ensure a qualifier-free funeral? I think we need to live every day thinking about how that day is going to affect our legacy. Honestly, most days won’t be that legacy-altering; in 60 years no one is going to care if I eat at Wahoo’s today or if I paid close attention in staff meeting yesterday. But if we’re thinking about how every day can affect our legacy, when those legacy-altering moments come, we’ll be ready for them.

When we face a crisis situation and we have to respond, we’ll be ready to act rightly and build our legacy.

When we face temptations that could throw off the course of our lives, we’ll be ready to act rightly and build our legacy.

When we face difficult choices, we’ll be ready to act rightly and build our legacy.

Nobody is perfect. If I really wanted to make a list of the good things I’ve done and the bad things I’ve done, even at the end of my life, the bad list would be at least 4 kajillion times longer. But, for the overall direction of my life and the choices I’ve made, I want to leave a positive legacy. And not just a positive legacy, but a legacy free from any major qualifiers stemming from poor choices and stupid mistakes. I want a pink elephant-free legacy.

What legacy do you want to leave and how can you leave it?