Leadership Wednesday 07 - The Youth Pastor Uniform: Cargo Shorts, Bad Facial Hair and Prideful Posturing

The National Youth Workers Convention took place this past weekend in Los Angeles and I wasn’t able to attend. We had planned on taking some of our volunteers to the convention but, with the economy the way it is, we thought we’d sit out this year since we had been three years in a row. Following people on Twitter who were at the convention, however, made me wish we had gone and taken our staff. Or, at least, I wish I would have gone down to the convention center and snuck in to hear some speakers and hang out with the Hume Lake crew. I really like the National Youth Workers Convention; it’s a great opportunity to get away and recharge with other people who understand why we do student ministry. A few things can always be counted on at the convention:

Cargo shorts.

Bad facial hair.

The question, “How big is your group?”

That question inevitably pops up. It is a valid question because it helps people understand the issues and struggles that we’re facing. I have worked with a group of 12 and a group of 300, each offers its own pros and cons, neither is better than the other. Even though it’s a valid question, so much of the focus when youth pastors gather is on the numbers; there is always an underlying defensiveness that rears its head through prideful posturing.

I have been part of this problem. I have sat in the networking meetings and proudly touted working with a group of 150. I have also sat in those same meetings and talked about working with a group of 50, silently hoping that another group would be smaller. I don’t know where this prideful posturing comes from but, in a room of youth pastors, it is tangible; it hangs like a thick fog that nobody wants to acknowledge. That posturing keeps us from really communicating and sharing insight because we’re so concerned with the size of our groups or the length of our tenure or the scope of our positions.

We’re so busy maintaining a prideful posture that we can’t let down our guard enough to really learn from another youth pastor.

We’re so busy maintaining a prideful posture that we can’t really connect and share the burdens of joys of this thing we all do.

We’re so busy maintaining a prideful posture that we can’t see beyond our own ministries and the greater work of the kingdom in which we all participate.

Again, I’m not pointing fingers because I have participated in and perpetuated all of these things. Maybe your experience has been different, but there always seems to be these underlying issues whenever youth pastors get together. Really, I’m writing about them because I don’t know what to do and I thought that someone may have some suggestions. Perhaps others have found something that breaks the prideful posturing and opens people to truly connect with others involved in ministry.

I don’t have the answers but one thing that has seemed to work for me is simply sharing a meal. It is amazing how the walls come down when we break bread together or, in this case, fish tacos. I have had lunch with another local youth pastor a few times and I can start to feel a relationship growing out of those lunches. It helps that we know about each other’s ministries; we’re pretty much beyond the “How big is your group?” question. But instead of a forced environment like a youth pastors’ network or a dinner with other youth pastors at summer camp, just sharing a meal one-on-one feels more organic. Every youth pastor is connected because of their ministry. If we truly want to be a support for each other, we need to develop relationships that aren’t founded on ministry but on time spent together.

That is only one possible solution; I’m still in the process of seeing how it plays out. I don’t like the awkward feeling I have around other youth pastors, like we’re silently competing against each other. We all know that we’re competing against each other but we can’t necessarily identify the game or why we’re playing. Yet, in spite of that lack of clarity, we all still want to win. I hope that I can stop playing the game but my ability to get out probably has a lot to do with examining my own prideful posture. I need to work on quieting the voice that hopes someone at the table has a smaller group than I do. Because if I can’t change myself, why should I expect anybody else to change?

What have you found that works to break down the walls among people from different ministries?