Music Monday 16 - iTunes Top Songs for 2009

iTunes was one of the greatest and most influential inventions of the last decade. The ability to purchase music with the click of a button is amazing. iTunes also allows us to get a very clear sense of what was popular in music in any given year. We can feel the pulse of the year in music by looking at the top downloads in iTunes. So, for better or worse, here are the top ten downloaded songs in iTunes for 2009.

10 – “Use Somebody,” Kings of Leon

I know it may not make me very cool, but I really like this song a lot. So, if any hipsters with their messenger bags and scarves want to give me a hard time for jumping on the bandwagon late, I’m all right with that. They can just find some new indie band to like until the band gets big enough to lose its indie status.

09 – “Dead and Gone (feat. Justin Timberlake),” T.I.

I’ve never heard this song but Justin Timberlake could release a record of him playing spoons and reading A Tale of Two Cities and it would still be cooler than anything I’ve ever done. Also, T.I. should work out a deal with Treasure Island in Vegas; it seems like a marketing slam dunk. He could sing this song while all the pirates and sirens (strippers dancing on deck) perform their show.

08 – “The Climb,” Miley Cyrus

Again, I’ve never heard this song. I’m going to assume it’s the follow up to Billy Ray Cyrus’ hit “Achy Breaky Heart.” This achy breaky heart might be broken, but it’s choosing to climb back up and learn to love again. Powerful stuff. Thanks, Miley.

07 – “Party in the U.S.A.,” Miley Cyrus

Back-to-back hits for Miley; she’s 17 and has already surpassed her father’s greatest achievement. If Miley grew a killer mullet, Billy Ray might as well just give up. I saw the video for this song and the boys in The Sound of Music had longer shorts than Miley.

06 – “Just Dance,” Lady GaGa & Colby O’Donis

I love Lady GaGa. I was told by a friend in April that I would like Lady GaGa and I wasn’t disappointed. I feel like I should be more embarrassed for liking Lady GaGa than I am, but all of my musical shame is reserved for Celine Dion.

05 – “Gives You Hell,” The All-American Rejects

It’s encouraging to know that the fifth most downloaded song last year is about spiteful revenge. Instead of this song, I’d much prefer the auditory equivalent of a puppy and a kitten playing with each other; that song would be much cuter. Even cuter than the dreamy lead singer from The All-American Rejects with his blue eyes and Frodo Baggins hair.

04 – “I Gotta Feeling,” Black Eyed Peas

I’ve never heard this song. I hope it’s a cover version of this song, which is itself a cover.



What’s that? It’s nothing like that? Never mind, then. Why would anyone want to cover perfection anyways? It’d be like someone covering "Under Pressure." That’s right, I’m looking at you My Chemical Romance and The Used.

03 – “Poker Face,” Lady GaGa

I’m going to be honest, I like Lady GaGa but it looks like someone poked her in the face with a hot iron. I’m not the most attractive person in the world either so maybe I should adopt her strategy of wearing ridiculous outfits to draw attention away from my face. I could wear a Muppet on my head or a dress that looks like the solar system and have the number three most downloaded song.

02 – “Right Round,” Flo Rida

Flo Rida? I wonder if he’s from Wyoming. If I was going to name myself after a state I would name myself New Hampshire. That way, when someone called me “Hampshire,” I could get all offended. I’d say, “Hampshire? Excuse me, I’m New Hampshire. Don’t confuse me with that backwards little hamlet, Hampshire.” Then the person would apologize and I’d throw my ascot around my neck and storm off, swinging my riding crop in the air.

01 – “Boom Boom Pow,” Black Eyed Peas

There are people who devote their lives to finding mythical beasts. They go all over the world looking for clues that would help prove the existence of beasts like Big Foot or the Loch Ness Monster. Those people are wasting their time because a group comprised of at least two mythical beasts had the number one downloaded song in 2009. Black Eyed Peas has four members, one of which is a vampire and one of which is a dragon. It’s unbelievable that there hasn’t been more commotion over two mythical beasts living, performing and recording music in this day and age. Almost as unbelievable as a song titled with three monosyllabic sounds being number one.