Freeform Friday 19 - Zombie Jesus

I’m planning on starting a new blog in January. The axiom is to write about what you know so my new blog will be focused on the intersection between Christianity and nerd culture. I’m very much a Christian and I’m very much a nerd. It’ll basically be Nerdy Stuff Christians Like but I think I’ll come up with a better name. In advance of launching the new blog, I thought I’d write some preview posts to give a flavor for its direction.

I have the opportunity to lead a number of small groups as well as have lots of conversations about Jesus. Given the opportunity, people like talking about Jesus and reflecting on who he is, what he did, what he’s doing and how he’s affected their lives. And while it may seem nonsensical, in a number of these small groups and conversations, the idea of Zombie Jesus gets brought up.

Zombie Jesus is based on the fact that Jesus died and rose again. Normally, when something dies and comes back to life, we think it belongs in Zombieland more than a children’s Sunday school class. When people start thinking about Zombie Jesus they’ll ask me what I think. I don’t think Jesus was a zombie; here are some reasons why.

1. Zombies Scare Me
I’m freaked out by zombies; they legitimately scare me. I really want to watch The Walking Dead because I hear it’s a great show. My fear, however, cripples me and keeps me from tuning in. So Jesus can’t be a zombie because he’s not scary. He’s the perfection of love, grace, compassion and peace; I’ve never seen a loving, gracious, compassionate and peaceful zombie.

2. Zombies Eat Brains
Imagine a world run by zombies. All the food: groceries, fast food and fine dining would be brain-centered. Zombie Soccer Mom would load her kids into their Zombie Suburban and head to Brain-fil-A and get some brain nuggets. (I definitely think Brain-fil-A would have a spleen mascot telling all the zombies to “Eet Mor Brayns”) Zombies eat brains but Jesus ate food. Part of his being fully human was his need for sustenance; we often see Jesus enjoying a meal with people, meals of fish and bread, not brains.

3. Zombies’ Greatest Threat is a Shotgun
If you’ve ever played a zombie video game, you know that the best way to kill a zombie is with a shotgun blast to the head. What makes a shotgun so effective is its ability to kill a zombie without much need for accuracy. I’ve shot a gun once before but I’ve been led to believe that I could survive a Zombiepocalypse with a little more cardio and a big shotgun. So Jesus couldn’t have been a zombie because shotguns didn’t exist in the first century.

4. Zombies are Dead
By their very nature, zombies are dead. Whether they’re labeled as “the walking dead,” “the living dead” or just “reanimated corpses” the focus is on them still being dead. Jesus is not still dead. In Luke 24 the angels ask Mary Magdalene, Joanna and Mary why they’re looking for the living among the dead. Jesus isn’t dead; he isn’t even among the dead. Jesus conquered death and gives the opportunity for new life.

I’m glad Jesus isn’t a zombie because if he was going to church on a weekly basis would be quite the traumatic experience. Also, I’m glad that Jesus isn’t a zombie because through his resurrected life we have the opportunity for a new and transformed life. And while I am glad that Jesus isn’t a zombie, it would be cool to see him do the Thriller dance.