Topical Tuesday 22 - Honeymoon Checklist

Alycia and I were in Puerto Vallarta in Mexico for our honeymoon last week. Unbeknownst to us, Mexicana Airlines was facing complications from a bankruptcy and buyout, complications that eventually forced them to suspend all air travel. Fortunately for us, we flew on Alaska Airlines and wouldn’t have been trapped in Puerto Vallarta for an extended honeymoon. The situation did start me thinking about what we would have needed had our honeymoon been forcibly extended. So here is a completely PG list of what we would have needed on a longer honeymoon.

Books

Alycia and I have already turned into an old married couple and spent a lot of our honeymoon reading books. After all the busyness and insanity leading up to the wedding, both of us were more than content to sit and relax by reading. I brought four books with me to Puerto Vallarta and finished all four over the course of the week. Granted, three of them were Narnia books, but I still made it through them rather quickly. Without another book or two to read, Alycia and I would have had a lot of awkward moments of sitting and staring at each other.

Underwear

It is really humid in Puerto Vallarta, like really humid. Even in our room everything was always just a little damp, nothing was ever completely dry. So when we were outside in the heat and humidity I was sweating through my underwear and undershirts, not feeling so fresh and so clean (so fresh and so clean, clean). To make matters worse I also spent some time on the treadmill every day; after getting off the treadmill I looked like I had been competing in a wet t-shirt contest.

Pepto Bismal

The food at the resort was good, so good that I probably ate way more of it than I should have. After five days of eating large meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner, my stomach started to reject me. It’s as if he said to me, “You’ve been shoving too much greasy, fatty food into me for five straight days, and that doesn’t even include all the Pedro’s Tacos from the weekend. Now, because of that, I’m exacting my revenge. Enjoy the cramps and time spent in the bathroom.” My stomach was mean and spiteful but, in his defense, my diet had consisted of beans, tortillas, cheese, meat and meat wrapped in meat.

Movies

Being the old married couple that we are, Alycia and I also spent a lot of time watching movies in our room. We watched Coraline, The Hurt Locker and Saving Private Ryan. The resort had movies to check out but most of them were more along the lines of Sex and the City than The Hurt Locker. Had we known that we were going to be watching movies, we could have packed some of our own. We could have brought great movies that Alycia hasn’t seen, like The Usual Suspects, or movies that are always good for a watch, like A Knight’s Tale.

Let’s be honest, I’m just upset that I didn’t bring Can’t Hardly Wait.

Sunglasses

I own like four pairs of sunglasses (down from the eight I used to own), but somehow I managed to not bring a single pair. Let’s think about this, I didn’t bring a pair of sunglasses to the beach. That’s like not bringing a bride to a wedding, not just like it but almost. So I was without sunglasses at our beach resort with the sun shining down upon white sand. The worst part about not having sunglasses wasn’t the bright sunlight, but the inability to inconspicuously stare at Europeans and wonder why on earth they would wear Capri pants.