Topical Tuesday 33 - Chili Cheese Fries

I spent most of the day Sunday waiting to get word from my sister that she was in labor and going to the hospital. On a day full of false alarms that call never came. As Alycia and I waited, though, she went out to get some lunch. At my request she went to The Hat and got a cheeseburger for me and we shared an order of chili cheese fries.

I know chili cheese fries are unhealthy; there is nothing redeemable about them other than their taste. But, in that moment of weakness, that’s what I wanted and that’s what we got. There are a lot of foods that are bad for me yet offer no temptation. There are other foods, though, which are bad for me and tempt me to no end. Here are some of those foods.


Chili Cheese Fries
The aforementioned chili cheese fries from The Hat are delicious. What’s not to love about French fries piled high with chili and melting cheddar cheese? The best part about The Hat’s chili cheese fries is that when the order is up, the shredded cheddar cheese isn’t melted. But by the time the fries make it to the table, the cheese has completely melted and transformed into one calorie-infested mess of tastiness.


Chick-fil-A Sauce
I don’t know how the Cathy family invented Chick-fil-A Sauce but am I glad they did. I think Chick-fil-A is closed on Sundays so people can go to their places of worship and praise their deities for Chick-fil-A Sauce. It’s kind of like honey mustard but it has a smokier, BBQ-like flavor that is hard to comprehend. I think I have a better shot at understanding the expanding universe than wrapping my mind around what makes Chick-fil-A Sauce so amazing.


Coke Zero
I gave up soda for almost five years. I was drinking 20 oz. bottles of soda like children drink Frappuccinos but then quit cold turkey. For five years I basically drank nothing but water and iced tea until I visited the Coke museum; in Atlanta five years of soda sobriety came crashing down. When I first started again, I mostly drank Coke; I never had a taste for Diet Coke. Then I got introduced to Coke Zero and my world was forever changed, like when I saw Paula Abdul’s Coldhearted video and realized I liked girls. I have no idea what chemicals make Coke Zero taste so good without any calories, but I like them, even though I probably shouldn’t.

I normally eat better than chili cheese fries and Chick-fil-A sauce but sometimes I just want to be bad. We shouldn’t make poor food choices frequently, but when we do, we should make them count. Don’t waste a bad food choice on a Big Mac or Hostess apple pie; save it for a Double-Double or a piece of pecan pie.

What foods tempt you the most?

Freeform Friday 03 - KFC's Double Down

A few years ago I was moved to blog by something so heinous and disgusting that I couldn’t stay silent. Kentucky Fried Chicken had just introduced their Famous Bowls and it seemed like they had finally hit rock bottom, like the Colonel and company couldn’t invent anything more degrading to the American public’s intelligence and sensibilities. The Famous Bowls, however, became one of KFC’s most popular items, feeding some Americans’ desire to have disparate food items all piled in a bowl and covered with cheese and gravy. So, since the atrocity of the Famous Bowls led to higher profit margins and a larger share of the gravy demographic, KFC has attempted to create another food atrocity and meet with the same level of success. That atrocity is the Double Down and it may very well be one of the first signs of the apocalypse.


KFC’s Double Down is a sandwich, in the loosest sense of the word. It is a sandwich filled with bacon, a slice of Swiss cheese, a slice of pepper jack cheese and the Colonel’s sauce. Take all of those ingredients, sandwich them between two original recipe fried chicken filets and you’ve got yourself the new KFC Double Down. Right now it is only available in two markets, Rhode Island and Nebraska, but if it sells well it could show up soon at your neighborhood KFC. Considering the despicable nature of the Famous Bowls and their ability to sell, I’d wager that something far more despicable, like the Double Down, will have an even greater ability to sell. And, when that happens, we’ll have a new cheesy, fried, bacony craze sweeping the nation.

KFC has not released any official nutrition information for the Double Down yet. They have released estimates for some nutritional categories. Here are those numbers:

Calories: 590

Calories from fat: 280

Total fat: 31g

Saturated fat: 10g

Honestly, I’m a little shocked by those numbers; I thought that the caloric intake would be significantly higher. Again, these are only estimates so the final numbers could be worse…or much worse. Even with less-than-expected numbers, the Double Down really isn’t something any human being should eat. If not for the nutritional values, then for the simple fact that we have the choice to be more mature and discerning in the foods we choose to eat.

Honestly, we all eat food that we probably shouldn’t; this week I ate a piece of red velvet cheesecake, which was delicious. But when we choose to splurge and eat something we shouldn’t, we should at least make sure that it is worthwhile. As we grow up and get older, our palates hopefully grow and mature along with us.

When I was younger all I wanted to eat were SpaghettiOs; now the thought of eating any of Chef Boyardee’s creations sickens me.

When I was younger I never wanted to eat fish; now I consider it a lucky day when I get to have sushi.

When I was younger I never wanted to eat vegetables; now I love firing up the grill and cooking zucchini or asparagus.

As our palates grow and change we should leave behind some of the foods of our youth, which definitely include something like the Double Down. Bacon and cheese wrapped in fried chicken shouldn’t appeal to a sensible adult; that is food for a child.

We like to eat food that isn’t good for us: whether that’s a gourmet pizza, a juicy steak or a decadent dessert. Obviously, our diets shouldn’t be solely composed of such meals but, every so often, it’s not a bad thing to splurge. When we splurge, though, we should make those meals and those extra calories worth it; we shouldn’t waste them on some sophomoric concoction like the Double Down. We should embrace a mature and discerning palate and look forward to the adventure of eating something we’ve never had before. So, this weekend:

Try a recipe that you’ve never made before.

Visit a restaurant that serves a type of food you’ve never had.

Don’t go to Kentucky Fried Chicken. Stick it to the Colonel and his Double Down.

What is one food you avoided as a child but now like?