I hate apologizing but it’s a skill leaders must learn. A few times in my life I have had to apologize to students for my behavior. It is a terrible feeling knowing that I have reacted to a student is such a way as to warrant an apology. I tell students every week how they should strive to live like Jesus, that his way is the best way to live. Inevitably I fail to reach that standard and sometimes I miss the mark when interacting with students.
When that happens, when I miss the mark and I offend a student, I need to practice the skill of apologizing. I hope to hurt or offend students as little as possible, but when I do, I have to be willing to apologize. If the students can’t see me, their pastor, making every attempt to reconcile a broken relationship, then I’m not much of a leader. This goes beyond simply practicing what I preach; this involves not only leading when I’m right, but leading when I know I’m wrong. And very often, leading when I’m wrong, involves admitting when I’m wrong and apologizing.
How does apologizing impact your leadership?
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When I need to apologize to a student, the easy thing to think is "Why? That'd make me look bad. Then I'd have to own up to the fact I was wrong in saying/doing that." Like it is not true unless you proclaim that it is.
ReplyDeleteBut ultimately the alternative is worse, disrespect, resentment, worsening of that relationship. Possibly complete severence if neglected.
Done right, apologizing can result in a gain of respect for the individual/leader who needed to apologize. The few times leaders in my life, needed to apologize to me are burned into my memory. I can think of them easy, the tone in their voice, seriousness in their face, and even remember close to exact words of those conversations.
That's definitely because of appreciation and respect, and not because "haha. They were wrong."
Kyle, admitting when we've wronged someone makes us look bad. But not admitting when we've wronged someone makes us look worse.
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